Chloe at 18 months old

It has been 1 and half year since i gave birth to my girl, Chloe. And to that, she has never failed to amaze me over and over with her sharp observation and new trick performance every now and then. I realize she is a “problem-solver” as she loves to handle puzzles, figure out difficult (to her level) problem and look for the right solution (i.e. trying to figure out which is the right key in the bundle to open a door) and she’s very observant at what people are doing. She imitates right after you and that makes me really stress of being very careful what we do/say in front of her.

At home, she has her collection of toys and she has been “playing” with them since very young but those were all about biting and putting them into her mouth and creating mess for me to clean and tidy them up after she got tired of them. But recently (last night to be exact), she could recognize and identify ALL her shape sorters according to the shapes and colours without a miss!! I was in awe and i could feel my jaw dropped (literally) and my mind was completely blown away by her actions. She hugged the whole shape sorter’s “house” to me and requested me to open it for her. First I thought “Oh well, i’m going to have to tidy the mess up after you when you go to sleep later.” I opened it for her then i left her alone to play with it while i got the water boiled to make her milk before i tucked her into bed.

And yes, i came back to her jaw dropped! What was my baby doing?! Did my eyes play trick on me?! The amazement was simply too awesome to put into words. My nanny doesn’t teach her shape-sorting at her place so it’s like my past months’ effort to pitch her the idea how to sort the shapes accordingly all being worthwhile (over the night!). A gush of motherhood’s proud came rushing out and tears started to build up in my eyes. Overwhelmed and completely thrown over board! Suddenly i asked myself “Where has the baby who was gugu gaga-ing gone now?” She has grown older over the night. I shall miss the baby version of her and completely adore and appreciate every moment of her toddler version now on. I’m scared that i might miss out on her milestones development if i’m not paying attention to her for just one second.

Motherhood is a ride of roller coaster and i totally love it to bits!

I hope you enjoy the moment as much as i do ^_^

P/S:
1. On and off and depending on her mood, she can now say “How are you”, “I love you” and “I know..”. As for those “Hi”, “Bye-bye”, flying kiss, kiss daddy & mommy, keep calling “mami or mi” several times with her sweetest voice tone ever while staring straight into my eyes (these are old tricks that she uses to entertain us and to get away from her mischief!)

2. Somehow, i love her open & friendly attitude towards strangers and i keep saying she’s like an Australian! She waves or raised up her hand saying “Hi” to passerby and cars passing by. Sometimes, her friendliness really brings headache to the mom when she tries to make friends with other kids (whom the parents are not so open with the idea).

3. She’s very chatty! A chatterbox! But she still has a long way to go before one could really understand her ^_^

给 boy boy 的一封信

爸爸妈咪的第二个宝贝，

再倒数十天爸爸妈咪就要和你的见面了。初次见面请多多指教哦！嘻嘻！

Boy, 很对不起这36周里妈咪没时常和你多说话因为总是为着工作，姐姐还有爸爸而忙。但不要紧！当你来到世上了妈咪也就要为你而忙了。妈咪的时间就要被分配成四份。为爸爸，姐姐，你还有妈咪自己而忙。

好期待见到你的那一刻！你会比较像爸爸还是妈咪呢？无论怎样只要你健康健全平安的出世就好。。期待。。。。脐带。。。。

Contractions!

I’ve been having this regular contractions for the whole day today at an interval of 10 minutes apart and each contraction lasts for at least 30 seconds. The longest contraction I’ve timed lasted 50+ seconds!! I need to wait until the interval gets shorter to about 5 minutes apart between the contractions and increased intensity of the contractions. I can feel they’re coming really closer now.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not an expert in this area since I had no experience of contractions with my previous pregnancy. I have no idea if these regular contractions are going to last for hours or weeks before the actually day knocks at the doorstep. All I can do now is to stay relax (with the jabbing pain from contractions and backache and pelvic pain, relax seems to be the last thing down the list), get as much rest as possible and wait for next definite symptom(s) – I.E. bloody show or water break before I can admit myself to hospital or else the nurses will just revert me back home.

I feel so physically exhausted and to that, I feel really bad for my girl and husband as I might be the most grumpy mom and wife they are facing at the moment and I don’t have much reserved stamina left for them by the end of the day. All I could think of is to get a bath, get on bed and sleep if I could.

At one moment..

I really felt like i was going to deliver my baby sitting on toilet bowl;
I really felt like i was going to black out from the jabbing pain in the rib cage thanks to my baby;
I really felt like i was going to knock myself against the wall so that i couldn’t feel the squirms, kicks and ticklish sensations and i could sleep for an hour or two at nights;
I just wish I would be out from this situation NOW!

Separating

I’ve started to train Chloe to sleep on big bed since about a month ago when she reached 18 months old. Things can go hellish or angelic some nights. It’s just really not stable I would say. Either me or hubby will take turn to sleep with her as its only a queen sized bed and the other one will sleep in another linked room, being ready for any out of hand situation (I.e. Unstoppable and uncontrollable sudden cryings at night).

On hellish nights, I just have to keep reminding myself that she is still only a baby and it’s very normal for her to have nightmares (or is it not) and waking up not knowing where she belongs. When she is out of control of herself and with my super pregnant belly getting in the way, I just have to leave her to my dear angelic husband to keep myself sane. She just needs him to cuddle and comfort her when she cries like crazy then she would stop(I.e. Like tonight). He has his ways of cooling her down.

Of course there are some nights when she is ‘good’ and I can comfort her with just some pats at her back and she would fall back to her sleep.

I’m really counting my blessings because i am so blessed with a good husband and a good father to the children. I’ve heard a lot of complaints from some friends of mine that their husbands are not helping much with kiddy chores (either they are not or they cannot because it still depends on who the child is more sticky to) and some of them are just being ignorant in the house. God is good to me!

The heart of anticipation

A good friend of mine in Perth is going into labor today by appointment. I can’t help but to feel so excited, tensed and ancipated for her the whole night and I ended up waking a lot earlier than usual at 7am! I wonder if she has already been cut open?! Hahah.

I was talking to a friend of mine how fast time flies and she claimed how interesting it is to see a new life popping out soon after 38 weeks baking in the oven o.O”

Before I was a Mom

Before I was a Mom,

I never tripped over toys

or forgot words to a lullaby

I didn’t worry whether or not

my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

I had complete control of my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held a screaming child so doctors could do tests.

Or give shots..

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got so gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held a sleeping baby just because i didn’t want to put her down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when i couldn’t stop the hurt.

I never knew that  something so small could affect my life so much.

I never knew that i could love someone so much.

I never knew that i would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,

I never knew the feeling of having my heart outside my body.

I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn’t know that bond between a mother and a child.

I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was ok.

I had never known the warmth,

the joy,

the love,

the heartache,

the wonderment

or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn’t know i was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

(Borrowed from a friend’s blog at http://java-joy.blogspot.com to express my feeling “before I was a Mom”)

Second half year resolution

As the heading suggested, i’m revising my second half year resolutions. I’m in need of a remedy for a much better time management when i need to divide my time to look after 4 persons (husband, Chloe, Ian and myself) very soon. And that means, i need to sleep earlier like 10pm and wake up earlier at 7am. Then i have to wash up and get myself ready before i pull my husband and two kids out of bed and get them all ready by 8am the latest (assuming all goes well with no sickness and/or extraordinary items in the daily itinerary). Okay. Maybe another 15 minutes of extended time if needed.

By the time we’re out on the road to nanny, it might take us another 20 minutes (traffic jam accounted) and another 20 minutes drive to office (+/- time accounted). It will be about 9am when i reach my office and another 30 minutes spared for breakfast (somewhere near the office). I shall start working at 9.30am.

This is the most ideal routine that i could think of for now but practically, we shall see if this is going to work. I hope to have longer day time to spend and accomplish more in terms of family and work. I need to find the equilibrium between family, work and time for myself.

Salute to all mothers!

It’s time of the year again to recognize the effort and hard works of a mother “internationally”.

Personally, I do not think I’m qualified to celebrate this occasion myself since:
1. My girl is still too young to comprehend the meaning behind the worldly celebrated occasion;
2. I do not think being pregnant alone is qualified to celebrate mother’s day (some mothers know how to give birth but don’t know how to carry out their duties as a nurturer);
3. I think I’m still way far behind being a successful mom (as in children have grown up, been obedient and been successful in their undertakings).

After taking up the role of a newbie mom, I realize how much we as parents have to sacrifice for our children in terms of effort, time, energy and money. I can now understand and appreciate the hard works of all mothers and of course, my dearest mother. This is the true meaning and celebration of mother’s day. It’s not about having big feast or big gift or big celebration but it’s about appreciation in the heart that matters.

Mommy, Happy Mother’s Day! May God bless you abundantly with good health and a happy soul of all! Love, Helen.

P/S: My gift from Chloe on this special day are constant cheeky smiles on her face and 1.5 hours of undisturbed bliss of free-time (napping, that is).

Chloe playing masak-masak in February 2010 (overdue post)